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But what does it mean to be a bottom? What is the meaning of submissive? I started out identifying as a top, decided I was wrong about my whole life and adopted bottoming, and have Submissive bi girl settled into being very much a switch. Who knows what will happen next! Besides the rapid death of democracy and the equally rapid rise of fascism! Life is a journey. Last week, I presented you with a survey about these slippery wordsand over 3.

These are the demographics of the respondents:. Survey responses suggested that there are three distinct approaches to these terms from queer women, trans men and non-binary people:. The penetration-related activities mentioned in the below graphic involve fingers and strap-ons because they were the acts most statistically numerous in our surveybut of course other kinds of penetrative sex exist, including with toys or with penises when some amab transfeminine people or trans women are having queer sex, and are enjoyed by many bottoms of all kinds.

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While bottoms expressed a similar level of interest in giving external stimulation as they are in getting it, there was a distinct preference for receiving when it came to all penetration-related activities. For gay men, tops penetrate and bottoms get penetrated.

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It is your job to navigate. However, the vast majority of tops and bottoms were into pleasuring their partner — but that could mean so many things! For one thing, so much of sex for women is psychological. For another, there are lots of ways to stimulate your clit if you have one while fucking, and many toys and Submissive bi girl are deed with that in mind. Well, ladies and otherwise-identified people, while rumors of a Top Shortage may be overstated, the queer kink community may indeed be suffering from a Dom Shortage. When I say I am a bottom, I am referring to this as well as more broadly being on the receiving end in less power-heavy sex.

Those who fell into the latter camp were also more likely to define bottom as being more logistical than psychological. Other interesting comments included:. For me that means I focus less on perfection and more on working my hardest. Is it true that femmes were more likely than mascs to identify as bottoms? You bet! Does that mean all femmes are bottoms? Absolutely not! Nor is it safe to assume bottoms prefer certain sex acts or dynamics. A lot of the language in these posts is intended to make them easy to find on search engines. Take what you want and what applies to you or what you can make apply to you and your partners and your experiences, and leave the rest!

She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Wordand then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! Follow her on twitter and instagram. Today I finally created an just so I could leave a comment on this piece. As a person who works in public health, I am so happy to see Autostraddle do this kind of sociological research. I love the mix of community data and personal identity, all delivered with the ature Autostraddle sophistication. I especially liked the distinctions between bottom and submissive, and how bottoming can sometimes be a kink thing and sometimes not.

This is such a Submissive bi girl clarification of vague thoughts I was having. Thanks for helping us learn about us! Honestly, feels like a weird way to frame a brand-new dataset, by pulling in personal anecdotes when there were such a wealth of open responses to quote instead. Not what I expect from AS. Also, is it possible that some of what is presented as anecdotal is actually the result of following up on survey responses, or discussing them in depth as a team?

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Excited to see the rest. Sharing responses from surveys like this is super challenging, and this felt impressively comprehensive! I trust AS, and therefore I trust that you shared quotes and s that were representative of the responses, and did so in a format you felt was right. So thank you!!!

Thanks AS! This is going to seriously educate and entertain for weeks to come, so yay! This is super cool! This survey allegedly was meant for everyone but cis men. How much dysphoria do you think that causes for trans guys? For anyone non-binary?

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I honestly feel let down by the community as much as the editors on this. This was a great idea with failed execution. We responded to this survey, misgendering your survey takers is really not cool. All the information itself is misidentified and skewed.

The participants and their partners are being misgendered, and it seems to be in the name of accessibility for search engines. As someone who is most often a power bottom but sometimes has fun service topping I find it fascinating that so many people think of submissive and bottoming as the same thing!

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No wonder conversations like this can be so hard. Pitcher vs. The partner who initiates most, is more often the giver, is the pursuer. Personally, I have to be the receiver of an activity at some point during sex to get the physical stimulation I need if I want orgasms. This is so interesting and valuable. Looking very much forward to what comes next.

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I mean this is such a unique AS thing to do, very much appreciated! I have enjoyed every step of becoming, with your help, this non-binary-ish, Ken-of-center, top-leaning mommi thirsty thing. You show in the survey that a sizeable minority of survey takers were not women but were non-binary, or trans men. Not all people with vaginas are women. Never left a comment on autostraddle before but it has def guided me over the years through a very slow coming out journey in my mid-late 20s. As someone who works in research, I always find these pieces very interesting — and this was no exception!

I like the judicious use of verbatim comments to illustrate the points you were making and they definitely added to the story.

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You know, what I find most interesting about this entire article is that all of this could be applied word for word to male gay dynamics too. Like literally exactly. You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by! Before you go! It takes funding to keep this publication by and for queer women and trans people of all genders running every day.

Still, Related: tops and bottoms tops and bottoms sex survey. Riese has Submissive bi girl articles for us. You May Also Like Queer Girl City Guide: Indianapolis. Reply to This Comment. Amazing as always. What a gift to the world this research is, Riese. Also: Is it true that femmes were more likely than mascs to identify as bottoms? Would be really interested to see the s on this!

Oh yay, thank you! That feels a bit harsh. Why exclusionary? Swoon… Loading Apparently it does. Great post! We will be linking to this great content on our website. Keep up the good writing. Contribute to the conversation Cancel reply Yay! Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by. Loading Comments Required Name Required Website.

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