Looking for a nice guy but finding jerks

Added: Rita Nagy - Date: 16.07.2021 10:04 - Views: 39159 - Clicks: 5613

The purpose of this article is not to idealize the behavior and lifestyle of a jerk but to show men that being a nice guy is not the right way to live one's life by; in fact, it's one of the least! You shouldn't compromise your integrity to make people like you, sadly, this is exactly what nice guys do.

I would also like to add that in no way do I promote becoming or acting like a jerk because it's not how a man should behave. I strongly believe that if you are a dick to everybody and treat the people around you like shit, you deserve everything that is coming your way. The best way to find and attract women is to be the best you possible, live your life to the fullest and have a healthy set of boundaries. This also means to respect the people around you. Be nice, guys, just not nice guys! Also, in this article I'm referring to the extremes of both sides of the spectrum.

This means that not every jerk will be this bad and not every nice guy will look so weak in comparison. But still, these are identifying traits some jerks and nice guys display and can give you some clues how they usually behave.

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Now that we got all the explanations out of the way, you should know that there are some things that make a jerk far superior to the nice guy and why being a jerk is still better than being a nice guy. This also means that when compared to the nice guy, he has more chances of getting the girl he wants. So, let me give you some examples of the characteristics that make a jerk superior to the nice guy.

Has his own reality. In his reality, he is the king and everyone else is there just to amuse him. When he doesn't like someone, he cuts that person out of his life and doesn't really care if people get hurt in the process. Since he has a strong sense of self, he isn't pretending to be someone else and women find him attractive. When compared to the nice guy, the jerk at least lives his life by his own rules and not according to what others expect of him.

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The nice guy in comparison needs others to define him. Without other people, he has no idea who he is as a person. You could even say that other people create his reality. Is honest in his intentions. A jerk will hit on a girl without hiding his true intentions.

While most nice guys try to befriend a woman before making a move on her, he doesn't care about building connections. He makes it clear from the beginning that he is interested in her and since he isn't so outcome dependent, he will have a bigger success rate than the nice guys.

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The nice guy hides his intentions because he is afraid of rejection. He will rarely make the first move in fear of the girl not approving of him. What he does instead is to try to win a woman's affection by pleasing her and being always there for her.

However, this will always backfire because the girl senses his neediness and insecurities. In the end, he will just land in the friend zone. Isn't approval seeking. A nice guy needs approval from others to feel validated. When he doesn't get it, he loses his value.

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So to him, it's always important to stay on the good side of people to feel good about himself. That's why he does everything to please a woman and to make her happy but she rarely is so he can get her approval and validation. The jerk doesn't give a shit. He doesn't care about pleasing or seeking approval and this gives him value. He is only out for himself and when he doesn't get what he wants from one woman, he will seek it from others.

That's also why women are so attracted to him — he won't put them on a pedestal. Doesn't give to get. The jerk in this case isn't maybe the best example because he rarely gives, but when he does, he isn't desperately trying to get something in return. The nice guy is usually the man at the bar who buys a girl drinks, brings her flowers and presents or does her favors. But his intentions aren't that altruistic as you think because he expects something in return — her company, appreciation or sex. And when he doesn't get it, he's pissed. But this does not stop him from trying again and again because he has learned from early on that to get, he has to give first.

Is comfortable in uncomfortable situations. A jerk cares too little to avoid uncomfortable situations. Sometimes he is even the reason for these situations. But he rarely tries to actively avoid them, because he just doesn't give a shit. On the other hand, the nice guy does everything to avoid uncomfortable situations. He absolutely fears them. That's why he always tries to avoid conflicts with people and why he is so afraid to use the word "NO" when dealing with women.

His biggest fear is to anger a woman and he will go to extreme lengths to avoid it. Never represses his anger.

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Now this is where the jerk shines; where he inherits his title. He will never hold back his anger even when a woman tests him. Sadly, this can lead sometimes to abusive behavior. Be it as it may, he will never fear avoiding conflicts or expressing his opinion.

This is where the nice guys are a much better fit for a woman, but they aren't without blame. Yes, while the jerk loses his temper from time to time, he will do anything to avoid a conflict with a woman, even if he has to repress his own anger.

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This goes on until he reaches a boiling point and then lashes out on her. Or behaves exactly like the jerk. In fact, when nice guys who always used to repress their anger start to learn pick-up, they tend to jump from one side of the spectrum to the other.

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They become the jerks they so despise and start to abuse and mistreat women themselves — all this with the justification that it is payback for all the shit they have gone through when being caring didn't work. Now, since the jerk is just an asshole who abuses women and the nice guy a pushover, both aren't really the right people for a successful and healthy relationship with the opposite sex. You should care about other people and never put someone else down to make yourself feel better or superior.

But then again, you should never seek the approval of others to feel valuable. Don't be afraid to make mistakes or anger people. It's always better to have people around you who accept and respect you for your actions and opinions rather than people who kind of like you, but still think you are a pushover. Always try to push yourself outside of your comfort zone!

This is where you really learn who you are as a person. You should know your own self-worth and not hope that someone else provides it for you. If you always take the comfortable way out, you will never achieve greatness. Never try to please a woman because you think she might like it. Yes, for a while she might even think it's cute the way you act around her, but after a while, she will categorize you as a wimp and lose all respect and attraction for you. Also, never give a woman more value than yourself! And lastly, never stop pushing yourself towards a greater goal and go after the things YOU want, and not what others tell you!

This is my first time in this site. Unfortunately I identify myself in every "nice-guy" part of this post. They have always taught me to be good and kind to others and not to annoy anyone. At the age of 24 I have been single for too many years And no matter how many faults the jerks may have This is more or less what I have always been advised by those who wanted to "help me". Unfortunately, changing oneself is the hardest thing in the world and it's almost impossible Being a nice guy, in combination with being shy and probably being affected by social anxiety undiagnosedis a titanic obstacle for me.

You can still be nice to people, just don't become too nice where they will start taking you for granted and consider you a pushover. A nice guy is someone who is terrified of using Looking for a nice guy but finding jerks word "no", but every self-respecting man needs to use it from time to time. It's true, changing yourself is extremely difficult. However, you don't really have to focus on that. Instead, make it your goal to improve and become a better version of yourself.

By doing so, change will eventually happen by itself.

Looking for a nice guy but finding jerks

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